Back on the thorntrack.

I don't need that look on your face.

You've hurt me so bad that now i'm completely heartless. Patience is being washed away bit by bit. Sympathy is no longer there long ago. Overcoming the pain is what i've tried. Those tears sent down to my cheeks are long dried ..

I thought i've overcome the pain but it seems like we're back on the thorntrack. I showed him that i loved him so much which i do at that point of time. At that moment, i do miss the happy moments when we're together going out dressing up at our best. Dressed to our bestest just for our loved one and to impress. I tried to dress at my bestest which i was on that day.. But you showed me face due to not wearing the dress that you want me to. I don't need the look on your face and you truly hurt me. What a great off day for me. Shouldn't have went out and i should have slept on my off day. Its better off with a normal boring day than going out and got yourself hurt.

I don't know what have happened, what's happening and what'll happen later on. I jus hope it'll be better.

Much Love, RizahDarling

Some still kept unknown & still on my mind.

Lets just smile to others,
We'll never know with our smiles,
We could brighten up their dull day.

It's 3.25 in the morning now. I couldn't sleep. I'm having sleeping disorder again. Slept within 10 - 15 minutes and ended up awake feeling sleepy still. At 8AM, which is countable hours later, i'm working (: Oh God, please make today a great day at work. Atleast, pleasant customers in and out. Step in the SNS with smile and also stepping out with a wider smile? Pretty please, i just need pleasant people. That's the least i could asked for. As i didn't get my proper sleep like i should and for what i asked for would surely make my day a little better.. Though, i dislike the job. Eventhough, i often short of cash. Still, i won't give up. Thank you for the strength you gave me (:



I've told you once and plenty of times that i just needed time. See what's the outcome now after you've given me time. Everything needs time. Even the truth needs time. So now, the truth eventually came out that everything he said about you wasn't true. Not even a single detail he said about you. Yes, he may be good in composing songs. Yeah, he may be a good singer. But is he good at heart like you are? I mean, i'm just asking. Though, i know that i shouldn't praise you too much but still, you're better. Even if you're better, you're still not my perfect guy that i dreamt of 'cause he never exists. As no one's perfect so why do we still bother to wait for the perfect man when we, ourselves, ain't perfect?? (:

Looking back to what i have gone through in relationships, i just realised that it still do hurts deep inside when reminiscing on what truly happen on the particular day, month or year itself. Just wished those unseen scars that my past have caused, won't bleed again. I don't wanna cry anymore. I don't want myself to change. Yes, i admit that i'm very evil, sarcastic, rude and forever never nice but i can be even more worse that i am. I never thought i could turn heartless but this time, its happening again. Lets just see whats next (:

Much Love, RizahDarling.

Thank you for those empty words.

I need a bestfriend,
Or should i say TRUE FRIEND?

Friends simply come and stand by you when you're in the same boat with them but once their situation are done and fine, in just a blink of an eye.. *pooofff* kanina, they're alr gone w/o you noticing.

Gosh, i just don't know why and i couldn't control myself from not saying out vulgarities. I feel like i'm becoming even more evil as day passed by. Even to my boyfriend, i used vulgarities but im loving him like i used to. I guess, i should try and stop this rudeness and madness or i'll be losing my man anytime soon. Dammnn, if that ever happens *touching wood*, there is no one else to blame at but myself. PFFFT! Oh, i truly hate when love start to fill me up 'cause jealousy is coming along with it. And i hate when this happen, not that i hate to love him more but the jealousy just so irrit.

Friends come and go,
Said that they'll be there for you,
but they still don't know,
Don't know what you're going through,

Its not that we don't wanna tell,
Its just that you didn't asked,
Uncountable times we fell,
Still you didn't realise how we rised

Obviously by ourself we rosed up,
We don't need you lie and try,
Hoping while our eyes are fully shut,
But you'll never be there even until the day i die.

Much Loves, RizahDarling.

Low Profiled.

I know how to dress up and make up,
But it is depending on the day itself,
or Either i want it or not.

That is the real me when i feel like dressing up and look good. But it is always either i want it or not. I have the mood to be look like that or not. Anyway, i miss going out with LOVE to Town or some place where we should be appropriate nicely dressed. 'Cause i liked the way he dressed and stuff. I have always like the way he dressed last time. Now at times. The only day that i know he liked the way i dress was on the V'day 2010. (:

Much Love, RizahDarling.

Used to it.

Yes, Patience have its own limit,
Depending on the person itself whether they can take it or not.

Hello everyone! YADA-YADA-YADA! i know that the picture above is UBER UGLY. Of course, it is! Can't you see the blue black on my right eye? HAHA. Painful but still can smile eh? I swear to you that it hurts whenever i woke up in the morning or afternoon. You wanna know why? Common sense uh! Everyone wake up will stretch here and there. Rub eyes, butt, nose and whatever. And so, i always rub my eyes, be it pain or not. But my eyes will be watery after that. Seriously, you don't wanna know how the pain felt like. I wanna go polyclinic but i don't think, i'll use the medicine given...

Anyway, from what i see, Majority of my friends are having fun and being showered with happiness that they long waited for. I'm used to it. Especially, the one that i have been there for her. She was rarely there for me whenever i needed her. But whenever she needed me, i always have time to talk to, Be it i was asleep or outside with love. It seems unappreciated. Wait, i feel extreme unappreciated. Can't blame anyone 'cause i won't support her this time. So yeah, she'll be falling into the same hole as she always did. Here i am deep inside, wish her all the best. Though i've got the feeling that he's never the best for her.

K my blue black eye need a rest. Gd Morning/Night.

Much Love, RizahDarling.

You're still my love.

In case you don't know,
ACTIONS SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS.

Just realised that i didn't even post about my Valentine Day. Well, My V'day went great and fine. It have been so long since i last went out with My Love on a date where we'll dress up nicely and wanna look good on that day with them. Can't deny that Love look ultra handsome and nice on V'day. Or maybe, i just miss him the way he used to dressed up. Especially, his hair. *DROOOOLS*.

As always i'm his Miss Forever Late but worth the wait! LOL. Right Baby?

Honestly baby, i miss those happy moments we used to spent together. I miss the times where we would love each other deeply and like no one can take our love away. I miss us loving each other like as if we had never feel hurt before. I miss the smiles we used to have.

Do you think, we're getting better? I hope we are and if we are... Hopefully, it will get even more better than this. I'm sorry for hurting you baby. Thank you for the Valentine Day. I enjoyed it. That day was a gift afterall. I LOVE YOU.

Much Loves, RizahDarling.

Gave up

The word 'Sorry' seems so free.

Remembering that i used to tell myself that gave up on guys whenever i'm hurt and have my heart broken. But end up, i found myself pulling the load through everything and moved on in my life. But Finally, 2010(!), i think this time its for real. As i don't seems to have any sympathy on anyone neither did i even think of trying. I didn't make any effort in making things better. I guess, i should start working and save up my money. Once saved or get my pay, i'll shop as much as i want. Shop til i drop. Maybe, i should stay single 'cause i don't have to support anyone else but myself.

Wanting to perm my hair since two years ago but like shit kan? Haiz. Relationship = Commandments. Will i have that kind of life that i desire? Whereby, i don't have to take the tab for you? Whereby, i don't have to get my own tab. I'm so sick of love. Maybe, i'll be fine w/o it for the moment. 'Cause i have great friends by me. Especially, Farid. Thanked God for the friendship i have with him. May it last til' end of time.

Much Love, RizahDarling.

I'm heartless 'cos my heart's alr smashed.

If we deny love that is given to us,
if we refuse to give love because we fear pain/loss,
then our lives will be empty, our loss greater.


You asked whether do i know how hard it was to win my heart? Like duh(!), yes i knew that. So whats your point? You knew it was hard and when you've won my heart, you break it that easy. I was soo in love with you when you manage to win my heart. But now(?), i'm speechless. I'm heartless. There's no sympathy in me for you. No matter how many tears you've shed, I'm still the way i am right now. My heart is already smashed, crushed and shattered that i felt like i don't have a heart anymore. Maybe that is the reason why i don't have any sympathy for you. I'm sorry.

We've known each other for more than 3 months and always thought that you were nice. Never thought you would even do the things that will break my heart. I kept things that have had happened between us to myself. I didn't even have the thought to share it to others on the spot. I thought i could handle it. But on the other hand, i didn't bother to share with others 'cause i don't need any sarcasm reply from any friend of mine ever again. 'Cause it make things worse and make me feel hurt even more. Talking about friends, i'll never forget what my friends have done. Place me aside even when i'm hurt so freaking badly. Place me aside just because they are out with their guy or friends. I admit it, i don't have alot of friends like those girls outside.

Didn't bother to tell my mother because i don't want her to be shocked of it and afraid that i might chosed the wrong ones. Sometimes, reading back at what i've typed on this post just got me to shed my tears off 'cause the first thing in mind was 'Who can i rely on? Talk to?', 2nd; 'Will they ever understand me? Understand what i truly feel?' 3rd; 'Hopefully, they're not like some of my friends that would give sarcasm comments..'

I think, i'll stop here. It hurts me deep inside.

Much Love, RizahDarling.

FLOODING.

You made me feel you just by singing.

I didn't went to work today which i supposed to. But they said, i would have an off day on weekdays. Only one off day but i don't even have any yet. I heard other outlet even have two days off, wth. I'm starting to give up soon but what the hell, i have to be patient till February 13th. While working, i saw a guy working as stacking the stocks at my outlet. Somehow, i know few details of him like his name, in which high sch is he from, he got a tattoo and WTH, i couldn't remember how i know all that. F-U-C-K kan?




Never thought that things could happen this way.
Never thought things could go this bad.
Always thought we could go through the rain,
Alway thought we could go through the pain,
But it seems like our love slowly going down the drain.

I'm sorry for what had happened and also what is hapenning right now.. I miss being showered with love and care by you. I miss showering you with my love and care. I miss the time you put a smile on my face by just kissing my cheek. I miss the time where i always felt safe and sound around your arms. But fears have overcomed me. But pain have been controling me. I admit it, i'm selfish, stubborn, too secretive and etc. I always thought that i could handle it on my own. But i simply couldnt. Cause i really don't wanna cry again like i used to with my previous jerks. Shits do really happened. I'm sorry but sometimes, you made me feel like i'm never up to your standard. You made me feel like i'm not worth your love. Too much pain i felt, Too many things i kept. All those tears i cried and now they're already dried. Lets just see what is gonna happen next. Perhaps, i'll try to forget what had happened to me but haiz... Don't wanna mention it here.




Introducing Senortey, He's my laughing gas and my bestfriend. I admit it that i'm super obsessed with his voice Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for making smile. Thank you for the song you've composed and sang. Thank you for everything. I really did thanked God for existing you in my life. (: I don't know what i'll do if i didn't give you my email addy when you asked my number. Thank you, thankyou, thankyou.

Never thought the song you composed,
Would even caused me tears,
Though I believe that you've not one of those,
But i'm still too aware cause i fear,

Tried moving forward and never look back,
Everything has fallen into history
But still here i am, unable to face the fact,
That this is my life story.

Much Love, RizahDarling.

Unbearable.

The pain is the tattoo instead of you.

Sorry for not updating my blog for quite sometime. I was in the mood of updating but just that something just stop me from updating it. I've started working and yeah, it is fine with me. But just having problem remembering the code numbers of the Vegetable and Fruits. I think, i'm suppose to have only 30 mins break but i took my own sweet time and dragged it to an hour. Cried and shed my tears on my break-time today. Couldn't help myself but to cry, i couldn't take it anymore 'cause he'll never understand the pain i felt. It just hurts alot. Don't know who to share with. Don't know who to cry on. Don't know who to pour out my feelings to.

Valentines Day is coming,
The guys will be looking around,
Found a girl, then, start asking,
Whether they're up to the town,

While the girls will be thinking,
Thinking of 'Who should i go out with tonight?'
While the guys will be hoping,
Hoping that everything's gonna be alright,

Once request accepted
Guy's will be busy on planning,
And girls will be frustated,
When they can't decide on their dressing,

*Final, decision made,
Both party will have a headache,
But in the end, Valentine day was great,
They'll say 'i love my fate.'

*1 Extra verse that was on my mind that i just couldn't fit it in my othe verse or in between any. Yes, i admit that my english is extremely bad.. Atleast i did tried.

Much Love, RizahDarling.